What a great weekend catching up with the challengers and Damian at the expo. It was an interesting time answering questions which had me thinking about my journey.  When I started I didn’t want any history recorded as I didn’t want to be reminded of how big I was. I had to have the start photo Phyllis took, but that was it.  As time passed and weight and size were shed, my weight loss was the only thing I was recording. It was then I realised the value of having starting points for everything that was going to change.  The person in the mirror was still me, a little smaller each week, but not really noticable week by week.  Fortunately the weight loss place I’d joined the year before had done my measurements and I still had them. This was a bit of a blessing as I now had a benchmark and something tangeable to realise how much I had actually lost. It was encouraging and something to focus on.

I’m having issues coming to terms with this smaller person. In the past I felt I wasn’t worthy of being smaller, I didn’t really have the support to “go all the way”, and most times I let circumstances get in the way, and I gave up.

My breakthrough last week has had a profound effect on me. I realise getting the next 9kg off will be a reality and it will be the last time I do this.  I’m having another out of comfort zone experience and can see now that’s why over the past few weeks the scales haven’t gone far. It’s been a fight between the new me and the old sabbotager.  The new me is winning (for the first time).

Friends I haven’t seen in a while were here for the weekend, and their reaction was wonderful. It gave me a bit of a reality check. I had a photo taked with their 5 year old as she weighs what I have lost.  Picking her up was a bit scarey, as I carried that weight with me every day of my old life.

I had another scare on Saturday as well. I saw my shadow reflected on a wall and spun around to see who was behind me as the shadow wasn’t big enough to be mine. Hmmm, it was funny.

Ali :-)

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