Wow – whose shadow is that?

What a great weekend catching up with the challengers and Damian at the expo. It was an interesting time answering questions which had me thinking about my journey.  When I started I didn’t want any history recorded as I didn’t want to be reminded of how big I was. I had to have the start photo Phyllis took, but that was it.  As time passed and weight and size were shed, my weight loss was the only thing I was recording. It was then I realised the value of having starting points for everything that was going to change.  The person in the mirror was still me, a little smaller each week, but not really noticable week by week.  Fortunately the weight loss place I’d joined the year before had done my measurements and I still had them. This was a bit of a blessing as I now had a benchmark and something tangeable to realise how much I had actually lost. It was encouraging and something to focus on.

I’m having issues coming to terms with this smaller person. In the past I felt I wasn’t worthy of being smaller, I didn’t really have the support to “go all the way”, and most times I let circumstances get in the way, and I gave up.

My breakthrough last week has had a profound effect on me. I realise getting the next 9kg off will be a reality and it will be the last time I do this.  I’m having another out of comfort zone experience and can see now that’s why over the past few weeks the scales haven’t gone far. It’s been a fight between the new me and the old sabbotager.  The new me is winning (for the first time).

Friends I haven’t seen in a while were here for the weekend, and their reaction was wonderful. It gave me a bit of a reality check. I had a photo taked with their 5 year old as she weighs what I have lost.  Picking her up was a bit scarey, as I carried that weight with me every day of my old life.

I had another scare on Saturday as well. I saw my shadow reflected on a wall and spun around to see who was behind me as the shadow wasn’t big enough to be mine. Hmmm, it was funny.

Ali

 

My personal resurrection

Resurrection – a rising from the dead.  Wow, what a feeling !!!

 I’ve been mumbling and stumbling, reflecting, angsting, sabotaging,. . .  you get my drift and tonight I got the word.  I’ve been searching for who I am as I don’t know me anymore – I don’t fit in where I used to, my personal relationships have moved and my wee comfort spot is nowhere to be found.  As my byline for the first retreat read “can’t go back, closed that door”.  Thank God really, as I don’t want to go back, but as we so often do when the going gets tough we go back to the familiar.  Can I tell you this is the first time in my life I have broken through that barrier and WOW what a feeling.  I am ready to go “Dancing in the streets”!!!!!!!!

Linda I could hug you forever . . . . thanks mate.  Yes time – yes we have to each find our own way and  – yes we have losses to bear.

That’s it.!! We have lost our old selves. A death so to speak. And, as I’m still here I have to have been reborn, as this new person.  I HAVE BEEN RESURRECTED.  (Don’t be smart, I’m not old enough to be a relic).

Hello, I am Alison, I have joined the 112 day challenge PURPLE team today.  My starting weight is 77.5kg and I have 42 days to loose 9.5kg.  This time I am going with the scales rather than my dress size.  What will be will be.

If you know me well you will know I’m a why? girl.  I can’t do things because someone says so. I have to test and prove the theories and understand the reasonings. I couldn’t get my head round what was going on, and now it’s all so clear.

Is this how Einstein felt? Eureka, I need to shout it from the rooftops.

Here comes a 60′s chick. . . . . Ali

 

Round 3, act 2

Thanks Bex, a very timely reminder. Yes round 3 is half over and as I contemplate where I’m at this week Phyllis’ words are running round in my head  – if you keep doing what you’ve always done you’ll get the same result.  I didn’t exactly see what I’ve been doing as “the same” thing, but as I analyse it, although I’ve been varying what I actually do -  I’ve been doing similar things at the same time each day, and usually on the same days of the week. Even my working day is pretty similar, so yep time for a rethink. To a degree I’ve taken my eye off the ball as well.  My focus has moved somewhat, for at this time of year I’m really busy at work so I get a bit slack with my personal prep and planning.  The knowledge I’ve gained and the work I’ve put in over the past 10 or so months have me in a better position to kick on this time, and the timely nudge from Bex bought clarity to what I’m doing (and not doing) so I’m now looking to do something different.  A friend called on Tuesday looking for a gym buddy for accountability so I’m checking that out.  I don’t do the inside exercise thing very well – so that will be a challenge in itself.  BUT it will be something different.

I’m still coming to terms with this smaller person.  My size 14′s are now on the loose side so although my weight is faltering within a 2kg range my bum and thighs are still fading away. I’m a bit contemplative of the worldly view of the smaller me.  Comments vary from those who think I have lost enough weight now, to others who think i should have creamed at least another 10kg  and both have me defending myself for where I’m at.  At least I don’t beat myself up over it any more.  I think that I’m personally having trouble coming to terms with dropping to a size 12 and a low 70kg range.  It is unknown territory so what happens next?  I’ve also lost my dress sense and I find it a bit daunting going into “little” clothing stores, for as I look along the racks I can’t decide what will suit me now.  Hmmm another project to tackle!! 

Oh yes there’s still plenty of work to be done and the curtain is up for round 3, act 2 so lets enjoy the storyline and see what it reveals.  Ali. :-)

 

“Ding” round 3.

Wow I’ve missed the whole month of July on the blog.  I’ve been reading what others are up to but not exactly sure about myself, so I’ve been quietly reflecting.  The retreat was another HUGE step for me.  A few more  issues dealt with. Thanks for the “ear” and support to those who were there to share.  It’s great to have such good mates to work  these things through with, and to put them into perspective. Beavering away here on my own doesn’t deal with all of what’s going on and the reality check I got on Waiheke was not what I was expecting.  I am so grateful I had a weeks holiday following the retreat, and to my dear cuzzie Bev who allowed me to repose and reflect for a few more days in paradise.  I also have a big thanks to the 112day team for getting me through the weekend, especially Phyllis with her bag of ESP.  Truly appreciated guys. 

I’ve been noticing my relationships with people this past few weeks and realise I’m not the pushover I once was and I am finding  it easier to say no.  I’ve found my “get out of jail” card is not a mad dash for freedom, it’s more a squaring of my shouders and a quiet resolve claiming MY space and MY life.

On a less pensive note, it was great to catch up with Dawn and Grant yesterday – looking as happy and fabulous as ever. Grant bought his trusty chain saw and dealt to that box in my garden and with the help of son Gavin it is now in it’s new possy.  I took him at his word and baked a cake – well I actually bought 2 pieces so there was no left overs, and it went down well with a beer for the boys.  Thanks guys.  After they left the 3 metres of dirt went back where it belongs and is all ready for planting out. Today was more digging as next up is lowering a lot of the paving and changing the shape of the garden. Great fun!! 

Till we meet again, Ali

 

Stepping Out

Hello time to reflect with my last blog for this challenge.  As I pack to go to Waiheke for the retreat followed by a weeks holiday, I will be on leave for the final call, so this is it for round two.  Challenge is a great word for what I’ve been doing, and as I said at the beginning it’s a word I can’t resist. 

Round two has left me in a totally new place and I’m poking my nose out to see what it’s all about.  Window shopping in regular stores is a heap of fun.  Trying on clothes because the label says 14. Magic!! Noticing that the styles I used to wear now look ridiculous on me.  Oops. Checking the seams to see if I can take the clothes in at a later date, and yes tonight doing just that so I have something to wear to Auckland tomorrow.

I’m reflecting on a new found confidence.  I’m varying my days so I don’t have too much routine in my food, my spare time, my exercise time, my reading  and even my work day.  If complacency formed the old me it’s not getting a second look this time.  I have a new spring in my step and it’s such fun.

Motivational books are a big hit these days. I have learned so much about myself and how the old me was formed and why, and what the new me can/is going to be.  Anything goes and there are some very good choices on the shelves. Because you don’t know what you don’t know this is a great way to learn at my own pace.  I’ve read a few in the past and during my deffered lifetime I got to the end and thought yeah great- now what.

I’m at another turning point for this retreat so I’m looking forward (tentitavely I must say) to see what/ or who will come out the other end this time.  Size 14 was so long ago bell bottom jeans were in fashion, and size 12 is next and I think that was school uniform days.  Richard (Naturopath) suggested this morning that such a liberation is like getting out of jail – now that puts a whole new perspective on life. Do I walk or do I take off at a gallop?

Catch you next round. Ali xx

 

A game of two halves.

The challenge part two is turning out to be a totally different adventure to the first.  As I said on the call earlier the first challenge was all so new and daunting, and  I was like a sponge absorbing as much information as I could. Trying everything out, writing notes, doing my homework  fiddling with new recipes, walking, actually jogging and just quietly working away at it all. Getting my health sorted and understanding what was going/not going on as it should.

When Damian asked what the difference between the two challenges is I realised I hadn’t actually seen too much change when in fact there is.  From day one I knew this is the last time I have to loose weight and the first challenge focused on getting the weight off to see the results.  Challenge two  is the bedding down of knowledge and practices of the first challenge. It’s a much clearer picture of the lifestyle choices versus the diet to loose weight. This time round I have the grounding and it’s fun to use that as I work towards the new me.  I’ve done different experimenting to see what works and what doesn’t.  I question myself a lot more, basically working out what makes me tick and what my old triggers were. The sense of achievement so far is such a great motivator that I can feel the final kg.  I realise also that I don’t need rewards along the way as the end result is one HUGE reward and a new wardrobe.  For me a reward now would be a crutch and another learned practice to get over.

I realise too that the comfort zone I thought I was in was in reality deferred living.  Going to Ceroc and suggesting that I thought was out of my comfort zone was old thinking and in hindsight walking in there that first night was no problem.

I now make better definitive choices, no hand wringing and angst these days. I do or I don’t.  If it needs thinking about I go for a walk. My reading material is pretty thought provoking and growing me as well.

Mmmmm what happens next?

Alison

 

Who is that 70′s girl and whom does she want to be?

Oops – forgive me friends for I have sinned, It has been 16 days since my last blog. . . . . .

Today’s my day for inspirational wisdom. I seem to have been freely offering tips and hints to all comers. (yep invited or not!!). My new reading is   How to get from where you Are to where you want to Be  by Jack Canfield (Get it, A to B  ). It is a great read and works on his 25 principles of success.  My journey seems to be from who I was to who I am going to be, but firstly to who I am now. I feel like a child on an adventure, my comfort zone has no bounds so there doesn’t seem to be a lot that fazes me these days. I have had heaps of issues thrown at me this week,  including the fact that I’m working tomorrow – yes Saturday morning starting at 7am!! I have 3 cashiers that work for me and they are all unavailable  (annual leave, a contagious bug and a damaged knee and can’t do the stairs) :-( so I and my 2IC are it. I hope we balance.

As a practicing Christian (not mainstream) in one of my conversations with the Lord last spring he gave me a new flesh. It was the unzipping of my old flesh, then peeling it off and stepped out of it. Now here I am physically in that place. Very comfortable. (from memory the new flesh was smooth and very fitting, mmmm !!)

June is bringing me a couple of lovely milestones. I will pass the 20kg mark and I (like Desi) will be a 70′s girl.  It’s a bit surreal as I don’t remember when I was last there, probably in the late 80′s. I’m glad I didn’t save my clothes to get back into. Yuk!! I’m getting a bit impatient now as I’m not fond of the hollows vs the rolly bits.  It’s nice to feel bone structure in my bum though. I think my new byline will have to be “All class and no Arse”, if you get my drift - for who do I want to be?

Time now for sweet dreams (work shortly)-  Ali xx

 

Giving up stress

Thanks for the support last week. My liver is good this week (desh….tted – so to speak!!) I’m still getting my neck sorted and it feels good most of the time.  The secret – R e l a  x. easier said than done, but as I couldn’t jog for a few days I slept in, and sat around and  I read and even did some knitting. I figured stressing because I couldn’t go out wasn’t helping anyone, especially me. Also I wasn’t tempted to nibble, pig out or any of the destructive stuff the old Alison would have done. The result. A whole 1kg loss this week!! At last. I’m now giving up stress for good. ha ha.

Actually, I have changed my evening routine, Richard has me concocting a “brew” every morning which I think is working on my fluid retention and I’ve changed my eating and sleeping pattern and all together I notice a big  change . My mini witches hat run is working well. Carrie (my house guest ) is amused. She was chatting on G-mail last week and telling our friend in NY what I was up to at the time, and the fact that my weight loss was then 16 kg (now 17), and he had bad news, He’s found it.  He’s wanting some help.  I’m now thinking Phyllis and Damian could head for NY to sort out those Americans.  I will be offering to go as an assistant to share my good advice. ha ha, again.

Tomorrow night I’ll be taking my great co-ordination to ceroc for another evening of light entertainment. They say all you need is a good smile and I can pass that test alright.  With Emily and Cindy along as new participants too it should be great fun.

I have had to downsize my work uniform – again (great eh) and one of the women that I see every day has just noticed that I’ve lost “a heck of a lot of weight”, and how did I do it. Funny what we do and don’t see in our daily routine.

Well me and my skinny bum are off to bed for a good night’s sleep. ZZZZzzzzzzz.  Ali.

 

The best laid plans!!

To refocus and reorganise is one thing – but with a kink in my neck, a sore shoulder and a sore back it sure stops one in her tracks.  I have just spent the most miserable Sunday ever. It started at 5 am with an excruciating headache that took an hour and a half to pass after the pain killers. I finally got back to sleep about 7 am, dozed for an hour, then out to it till about 11 am.  I’ve had a pain in my neck/shoulder for a couple of weeks – you know the one that catches you when you turn your head, and last Thursday it seemed to move into my back, so off to the chiropractor on Friday and wow what a difference. Saturday I was feeling pretty good, so I cleaned the garage, dusted, shifted, swept, tossed (filled the recycle bin). Great stuff.  I wouldn’t have said I overdid things either. Saturday night was feeling pretty good too, but I needed to burn a few more calories so while I watched the rugby I was on the stepper to finish the day.  Made my target again, so went off to bed rather happy with myself. 

I haven’t been so grumpy in a long time – I was surprised at my mood, but I had so much planned for the day and it was all blown apart.  I couldn’t stand for more than about 3 – 4 minutes, I paced the passageway trying to get comfortable, I sat on a hard chair, sat on a soft chair, stretched, bent, used a hot wheat sack, muttered, walked again. gggrrrrrrrrr!! Just as well I was home alone.

Today I’m a little improved, I was back at the chiropractor for another go and tonight it’s not as comfortable as Friday was, but walking is great, so I’m thinking jogging will be fine too.

Oh Linda, I now know how you feel and mine was only for a day.

I was also at the naturpoath tonight (busy evening), and my blood results confirm my antibodies are fighting my thyroid (B.. great).  At least an answer now gives a new direction, so that and a few other things to sort and I’ll be like a new woman. Yeah. Off for a good sleep now.  Catch you on the call tomorrow.        Ali

 

Reflecting on refocusing

My refocusing has been interesting. I’m noticing the difference in the days I have a real good sleep to the days I don’t.  I have also noticed the changes in the stress level at work and that I’m taking on stuff that isn’t mine again!! damn it. A chat with Phyllis re my exercise level, what and when had me (and Carrie my houseguest) out on the streets tonight after work (instead of doing my rolling around the lounge floor stuff )and wow what a difference in my head.  I get to choose the pace and the distance so tonight was about 75 minutes. Dinner was my favourite Pumpkin Lasagne and I’m increasing my veges as I’m not oops was not a good vege girl. Ending the day with the conference call and again some real good stuff to digest. , so a pretty good finish to the day.

The dirt I shifted is only about 3 meters, so there was a bit of exageration last week, but it’s all done. Yeah!! Now I have to saw through the 9  4 x 4 ‘s holding it in the concrete foundations then shift the rather large box to it’s new pozzie and joy oh joy put the 3 meters of dirt back into it. It will then be my new vege plot to grow all my lovely veges in.

Look out Size 14, I’m on my way.  Ali